What would Jesus NOT do?

Great video from NonStampCollector - check out all his videos... they're hilariously clever!

Jesus Christ is a prick, and so are members of his staff

When people say "why are you so critical of religion - what harm does it do?" I can point them toward this article.

Pope tells Africa 'condoms wrong' - BBC News

Pope Benedict XVI, who is making his first papal visit to Africa, has said that handing out condoms is not the answer in the fight against HIV/Aids.

HIV/Aids was, he argued, "a tragedy that cannot be overcome by money alone, that cannot be overcome through the distribution of condoms, which can even increase the problem".

The solution lay, he said, in a "spiritual and human awakening" and "friendship for those who suffer".

Wait a second... did the Pope just say using condoms can increase the problem of HIV/Aids?!! How much more irresponsible and evil can one man be?!!

What a fucking prick!

Bill Maher's final comment from Religulous

Just saw Religulous... terrific film! 5 Stars! Laugh out loud funny with tons of great points made in a very straightforward and intelligent way. Highly recommended!

Do you think Jesus is real?

Do you really think that Jesus is real? How real is he? Is he as real as anything else one might call real - for example something real we all know like... water?

Water is real. Here are some basic facts about water... Water has three states: solid, liquid and gaseous. Water freezes in to a solid at zero degrees Celsius and has a boiling point of 100 degrees Celsius. It is a liquid between 1 to 99 degrees Celsius.

There. Now you have heard some facts about water. We are able to call them facts because these claims about water can be made by one person and then tested by other people around the world who will be able to confirm these claims. If they were unable to confirm these claims, then they would not be facts.

Do you understand what a fact is now? Great! 

Here is your challenge... tell me just one fact about Jesus.

Yes! Yes! Yes!

A majority of Californians voted yes on Prop 8 to overturn a court ruling that briefly gave gay couples the right to wed, thereby writing discrimination in to the state constitution.

Most of the funds for the campaign in support of this were funnelled through the Church Of Latter Day Saint's (a.k.a. Mormons) and The Knights Of Columbus (a.k.a. Catholics).

This is nasty, ugly, mean spirited religious bigotry at its worst and an attack on all of our civil rights.

What a bunch of pricks.

Speaking of pricks...

Did Jesus Christ ever have an erection?

What th' ?!!

Hey... calm down. It's normal. It's healthy. It's utterly human for any male - young and old alike.

If Jesus, a healthy young man, never had an erection, then we can only conclude that something must have been somehow terribly wrong with his plumbing. Surely this lack of function would point towards the imperfection of the most perfect (probably mythological) man who ever lived?

On to the next sticky subject. How about ejaculation?

OK... I can buy that during his life, he may have never had the opportunity, or even the inclination to have sex with another person. That's his story anyways. Sure, it does make his lifestyle choices suspect. Unmarried man in his 30's, spends his time almost exclusively with a dozen other men - back in those days?! Hmm... It's a little out of the ordinary. People would talk - but I digress. 

How about nocturnal emissions? Masturbation? What about the lost years all alone out there in the wilderness where nobody could ever see him? Did the Son of God never have the temptation to crack out a crafty one?

OK... maybe an even bigger question at the root of all this is: did Jesus have his own holy trinity of a cock and two balls? I should hope so. Weird if he didn't (even weirder if nobody had mentioned it after all this time).

Assuming he did indeed come with the full compliment of wedding tackle, how did he measure up? Was it a "Bow Down Before Me" Almighty Leviathan Cock? Was it a meek and humble tiny gherkin-like winkle or was it an utterly and unremarkably average human penis?

Did his God Gonads, his Sinless Sacks, his Numinous Nuts then go on to produce literally millions of sperm every day? If so... what became of all this sacred spunk?

It's normal. It's healthy. Medically speaking, it would surely be cause for concern if any adult male made it in to his 30's without ever ejaculating even a single time.

So, I want to know... no disrespect or nothin', but... did Jesus ever have a hard on and did he ever cum?

Why is this important? I want to know if Christians believe he really was human.

Thank you. Next week... pious poo.

Gentle Jesus?

Jesus explains to us why he speaks in parables. Why... it's to confuse people so they will go to Hell, of course!

Mark 4:11-12

And he said unto them, Unto you it is given to know the mystery of the kingdom of God: but unto them that are without, all these things are done in parables:

That seeing they may see, and not perceive; and hearing they may hear, and not understand; lest at any time they should be converted, and their sins should be forgiven them.

Jesus Christ... what a prick.